I trap this disfunctional heart within me,
it not able to love so easily,
it's not normal to feel so non empty,
it's not reliable for me to love you so intentionally,
but I do.

Is it a crime that your voice takes the darkness away?
Is it horrible that I always need you to stay?
Is it that bad that just the mere thought you you being gone tears me up inside,
tears me up so badly,
that i can't do much of anything but sit here,
bland to the world,
a nobody.

This disfunctional heart wants to be left alone,
so please, don't let me dive too much longer,
with your love that i feed off of to wake up each morning,
to thrive me to pick up a pen and write,
to encourage me to go out and be somebody,
leave my disfuntional hurt alone,
because i don't know how much it can take anymore.

Awesome Japanese Song ^_^

I'm the only one standing, alive, not wanting to be here, living, breathing the same air as he does. Looking up at the same sky as he does wishing his sweet soft lips to mine as he does, or does he wish me gone?

I stand here drenched in tears,
can you see me?
Crying out but no one is here,
can you hear me?
Can you sense my troubles,
do you even care,
does this love hit rock bottom like evil in the venomous air?

Do you see me here standing with no one here,
no one to tell me why im still here,
no one to hold me and shoo away all my fears,
here i am to stand alone,
you help the one that doesn't care,
the one that you know won't ever be there,
the one that will never ever love you like i do,
no one will be here for me.

You never wanted to be here standing with me,
wiping the fresh tears from my eyes,
holding my hand gently through the troubled times,
no,
you stood there,
and ignored me,
told me to go away,
even though you never actually said it,
your actions did it.

So I'm the only one standing,
tears filling my eyes,
misery on my side,
and death unable to hide.

Little video game freak i see him smile so bright,
everyday i see him with that controller in his hand.
His heart and soul is put into that one level,
he makes it,
he wins.

The connection that we had was neutral,
but somehow i felt so much closer to him,
even if we weren't related,
I felt the closeness that i wouldn't have with anyody else.
I loved his triumphant laughs when he killed a zombie,
or his grumbling and yelling when he lost.
Somehow, we were close, but we were so far.

Everyday was the same: 'Hey Mikey' and he says nothing but mumble a 'Hi.' I ruffle his blond curls and grin and watch. We laugh at stupid things that his heroic character says,
we cry at the parts when people didn't mean to get killed,
I miss that.

I should've told him to stay at my house,
but i got too mad and told him to get out,
but i shouldn't have because maybe he would still be with me,
he was shot accidently during a Trenton gang shootout.
He had no clue what was going on,
for a ten year old they don't tend to know that much.
He died on the spot the first shot to his head,
you couldn't imagine how guilty i felt knowing that now he's dead.
I almost put a gun to my head that day,
knowing that Mikey wasn't ever coming back.
I could've done it,
i could've just ended it,
but i didn't.
I cried for a month and a half straight,
didn't go to school,
didn't even eat,
but i got up the courage to go downstairs into my living room,
sat down in exactly the last spot that i saw him in on my couch,
and shed tears as i turned on his favorite video game,
starting it,
from Level 1.

Awesomest song ever !!!