I take this pen to write some letters.
I have learned to arrange the letters to make words.
But theses are not just random words- these words describe something important.
These specific words describe my deepest emotions, my true ecstasy, my real heart
.
Oh the pain of hearing your name with another.
It sends chills to my spine and a knife to my heart.
The blood rushes out from my lacerations- I pat them dry.
I tell it to stop bleeding- but it continues to flow.

“I’m sorry- you want a Band-Aid?” someone said?
I try to patch and cover up the wound.
It looks ok on the outside, but underneath, the cut is still freshly there.
How did this happen? I pondered within myself.
I had never thought that he would do this to me.
However, I failed to realize sooner that he was only human with natural human tendencies and characteristics.

I remembered the time when I gave him my heart.
I was scared and sad, and so I shared with him my deep feelings.
He was to me at that time, just a friend.
However, my emotions towards him began to rise- at first rather slow, but then a sudden incline.

When I mustered up the courage to tell him that I loved him, he liked it at first, but then always negated it, put himself down, and told me that he loved me just like he loved any other friend.

I realized that I had given him a piece of my heart- A rather large piece.
Yet at the same time, he was holding a piece of someone else’s heart.
He placed hers on a pedestal and drew it close to his heart while he dropped my heart and left it on the ground.
My heart has become a shooting target for him and his girlfriend. It kills me now to know this, but it is true.

So with this pen where I have written words of love, I now write words of anger, confusions, and immense hurt. The pain is just too great to write anymore.

ONLY IF WE SAW IT THIS WAY
As I see you live your life, my heart aches with sadness and pity.
“I love you”- you once said, but now your heart has started to stray.

You say that you are ok, but I see past the façade of your smile.
I see a heart that is hurt and broken, a face that is worried and covered with tears.
A life that was once free and joyful is now overwhelmed with pain, regrets, sins, & fears.

I said, “Let me take your pain, your fears, the broken pieces of glass in your heart, and as far as the east if from the west- never to be seen again.
Let me take the individual pieces of the puzzle- the unfinished part of your life, and put them together to make something beautiful out of it so that all who see will stop and marvel at my perfect craftsmanship in your life”.

My hands are outstretched towards you.
They always have been. Just trust me with your life and watch me work.
Yet you say “no” and continue to run farther away from me

So I walk on beside you with tears in my eyes.
And all of me is breaking again and again.
Where have you gone? What have you done?
Don’t you remember who I am?

I gave all I could for you-even my own life, and this is how you treat me in return?
I left everything I had to just be with you; to love you, to protect you, to be close to you.

I’ve showed you who I truly am. You let me reach in before and touch your heart.
But where have you gone?

Everyday, I sit, eagerly waiting for you to come back and knock on my door.
I would open it wide, say “welcome back”, and give you a big hug!
I pace back and forth wondering when you will return

It seems like you have forgotten about me- but I have not forgotten you
It appears as if you have betrayed me- but I have never betrayed you
It feels as if you don’t love me anymore- but I will always love you

Why?
Because I made you
I died for you
I love you
You are mine!

You cant face reality, so you do that which is common to fantasy.

I see what you say, i see what you write, i watch everything that you do.

You think that i am outta your life, yet i think about you everyday.

My heart yearns for you to come back- or maybe to just realize how much you mean to me.

When i try to forget you, it's something that i just cant do.

I tell myself i'll be fine- i do things to take my mind off you - yet you are still there.

I wished that you were honest with me- yet now i realize why you werent.

Dont worry- im not mad at you. yes i am hurt- but i dont expect you to reconcile the hurt.

I loved you and would of given up the thing that i saved and treasured all my life.

I stayed up late dreamin about you - wishing that maybe.. jsut maybe, there was a chance.

The worst part is... i think you knew all along.

Every time I see you I feel something in my heart
And I wonder how long we’ll be apart
When I see you and you wink
I feel my heart sink

When you leave me and I’m alone
I feel like a useless stone
When I wait for you the next day
I know everything will be okay

Sometimes I notice your absence
But think hey it happens
When you’re here it’s very special
Because without you I feel sorrowful

Now since you left me
I still can’t see the possibility
I used to love you
The worst part is I think you knew